I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
