Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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