woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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