I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
