Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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