exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
