I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
