wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
