The maid of honor just puked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
