ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
