Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
