Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
