Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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