I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
