I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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