I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
