he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
