you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
