best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
