Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
