I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
