And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
