careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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