The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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