Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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