I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
These tits shall not be calmed
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