OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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