that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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