in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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