I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
