He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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