Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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