I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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