You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
