I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
