Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
not ubering you a puppy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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