Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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