This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The adults are the big ones right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
