Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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