i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
