I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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