I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
