I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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