Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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