I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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