I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
