i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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