He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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