Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
