Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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