You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
