I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
