: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
