they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
