I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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