I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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