i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
