I'm jealous of your bromance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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