he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
